The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
