Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
