My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
