nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
