Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Randomize
