I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Randomize
