U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
