Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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