To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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