Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
