Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
