dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
