that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
as a side note pls kill me
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
