I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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