i already hear my dad disowning me
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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