she was so not down for the gang bang
My underwear smells like fireworks.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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