He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
