first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
