You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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