i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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