and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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