There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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