Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
