Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
