I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
