dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Randomize