Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
