I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
