Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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