we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I fill condoms, not promises.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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