Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
