i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
