the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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