i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Be still, my beating vagina.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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