covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
True but thats because hes a fetus.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
