he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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