He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
