we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
