M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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