i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
No...this little piggys going to the bar
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
