Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
