hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
