I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
