i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
