I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I wanna bring you to show and tell
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize