it's like iHOP with fire
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize