Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
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