Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
