I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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