Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
