I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
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