It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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