Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Alive.
So much puke
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
