so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Randomize
