good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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