These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
