There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
