Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
