i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
