I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
