Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
