god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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