you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I want a musical about memes.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
