frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
