this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
