Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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