Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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