You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
