Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
