The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
