then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
