I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Randomize