She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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