Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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