John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
