I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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